Sport-Utility Vehicles.

By Matt Paisie

This is my first contribution, so try not to be too judgemental. (Yeah right)

These vehicles need to be eliminated from our collective lives. Never has a vehi cle so utterly useless been as popular, well, at least since the rise of rap "mu sic". Generally, who drives sport-utilities? (Or "utes" to fans of these useless mistakes of engineering). More often than not, it is the white suburban male, a ges 21-44 who classifies a tough morning as running out of decaf and being forced to use instant. People who own one of these 10-foot coffins will say, "I need them for off-roading." Right. Like anybody who lives in the suburbs is going to suddenly get an urge to go drive up Mount Kilimanjaro in a vehicle mistakable for an oversized Altoids box? Most of these people would shudder at the thought of actually going off-road. They might get dirt on their $29.95 wash-and-wax coati ng.

Another reason to dispose of these things is that they have the worst fuel mileage ever. Gun the engine, buy a tank of gas. Get two blocks to the gallon on a day with gale-force winds at your back and nobody in front. OPEC is getting rich off this. Then these things are larger than some 3rd-world countries and are the only ground vehicles to have first class, business and coach sections. (To snitch a line from Jay Leno). All told, these are the most useless vehicle ever conceived since the inline skate.


[Add Comment] | [List Comments] | [Back]