CampUSSA

I am enough of a masochist and computer consumer to subject myself to the fascist forays of these dolts. I try and try to patronize small businesses that employ knowledgable people and treat customers with respect, but alas only the brown (red?) shirts with their digital shovels can provide my complete fix with their dazzling selection.

I am too kind. Must be the thread of decency and charity welling up from my Judeo-Christian soul. But justice must be served.

CampUSSA is akin to the lyric "you can check in anytime you want, but you can never leave" - my last five visits . . .

• I am always "scanned" like a crook by the "exit sentry" as I walk towards the door - even though he had seen me check out not more than one meter away - he had to give me the "check of the yellow marker". The stupid sod thinks he's keeping the store safe for humanity by preventing middle-class kleptomaniacs from lighting off with a mouse in their transparent bag. This happens every time.
• Try using your credit card - your reisekarte (passport) to abuse. If your signature does not pass their 19-year old cashier-graphologist's test - they begin to look for the door nazi or uberwhatever. I have made dozens of purchases and they will call in the card if you use one with your spouse's name - make sure you are "authorized"- on my last visit I had it rock-skipped back at me over the counter. I was trying to buy a piece of software for a client ($40), and our young uberfraulein snapped, "NOT AUTHORIZED" in front of ten other customers. This is a card I use daily and pay much $ monthly.

I am an OK guy. I like my family, kids, pets, old folks, refugees and the like. Yet this week I advised the card checker and the door nazi of the opportunity to create more $ by attempting to sell more crap than catching the occasional mouse running out the door.

I was out of line. I have been sent back to the Gulag of Spartan provisions and intelligent life.